


Once the Foundation is Cracked

by JetGirl1832, tomatopudding



Series: The Hamilton Family Album [8]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Infidelity, John Laurens needs a Hug, Last Five Years Inspired, M/M, Poor John, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetGirl1832/pseuds/JetGirl1832, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatopudding/pseuds/tomatopudding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens had a brief, but passionate, relationship during the sophomore year of their undergraduate degrees. This is the story of those five months.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once the Foundation is Cracked

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Okay, this is slightly self indulgent because we are huge suckers for Lams and absolutely love writing it. There are happy moments in this, but be warned that there are also sad moments. Originally, this fic was only going to be about the events leading up to Alex and John’s break up, but then tomatopudding had the idea to write the story of the relationship in the style of Last Five Years. So. That’s what you see before you now.

11\. March--John

Nearly a week had passed but the pain still remained, settled like a stone in his stomach and pressing in a way that made it impossible to ignore. John confined himself to his room only coming out for classes and maybe to get something to eat. Lafayette would try and check on him, see how he was doing but more often than not he ignored his roommate’s good intentions.

Even now the sweatshirt he wore still smelled of Alex, but he couldn't bring himself to take it off. Just like he couldn't bring himself to get rid of the photos, which were strewn about in various states of crumpled and half torn.

He pressed into the corner where his bed met the wall, knees drawn up tight. He was angry, of course he was angry, how could he not be? Still, the pain outweighed everything else that he was feeling. He buried his face in his knees, sucking in a deep breath and willing the tears to stay away. 

He barely noticed the knock at his door.

"John?" Lafayette's voice was soft.

John sniffled, but didn't respond. There was a soft click of the door, the door that John has forgotten to lock, and it swung open with a squeak. Soft footsteps came closer, but still John didn't look up. His eyes were burning now with the effort not to cry. 

"Mon chou," Lafayette murmured, kneeling down in front of John and gently urging his friend's head to lift from his knees. 

The lump that had been building in his chest burst out in a frantic sob and John half launched himself into Lafayette's arms. 

Lafayette's arms came around John and squeezed tightly, rocking his roommate and making gentle soothing noises. 

"John..." Lafayette sighed.  
"I hate him!" John choked out, "I fucking hate him."

"Nobody's arguing about that," Lafayette soothed, "You have every right."

John breathed in the scent of Lafayette's cologne which he found comforting, it was pleasant and warm with traces of cinnamon and vanilla.

"The bastard," John murmured.

His sobs had subsided, but tears still streamed down his cheeks. His closed his eyes against them, letting out a shuddering breath. 

"I wish I'd never met him."

"You don't mean that," said Lafayette, his voice still soothingly soft. 

"No I don't," John sniffled, "And you know what? That's the saddest part."

He felt Lafayette move his hand through his hair massaging his scalp as he went. 

"I guess that's why you should never date your best friend," John sighed.

"Don't go making excuses for him," Lafayette scolded, his voice taking on a sharp edge. 

John thought about denying it, but he knew that was where his train of thought would have lead. Hell, he'd already been there and back a million times over the past days.

"Alexandre should have never treated you like that," Lafayette added.

"No shit," John muttered, but there was no real venom in it. 

"Herc and I, we're on your side."

"I don't want you to have to choose sides," snapped John, attempting to jerk away, but Lafayette didn't let go, "This isn't some kind of divorce proceeding where Alex and I argue over who gets the kids."

"Of course not," Lafayette nodded, "we just want you to know that we're here for you."

"Thanks Laf," John sighed, "I'm tired. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of thinking about this and I'm just plain tired."

"I know, chéri," Lafayette murmured, "Come, you have a perfectly good bed."

John flinched and Lafayette hurried on, "Or if the memories are too much, come to my room. Hercules is there and you know that he is absolutely the best at cuddling."  
John let out a watery chuckle and sniffled.

"That sounds nice actually." John rubbed his eyes.

"Come then," Lafayette said, helping John to his feet, "Maybe if we ask really nicely, Herc will make us hot chocolate with rum in it."

John allowed himself to be guided to Lafayette's room where he was greeted by Hercules.

"You're alive."

"John requires Hercules Cuddles," Lafayette announced. 

Hercules laughed lightly, "That can be arranged."

He opened his arms and John stepped into them, burying his face in Hercules's broad chest and relaxing into the warmth. Hercules maneuvered them onto Lafayette's bed. John curled up into a tight ball as Lafayette climbed into the bed as well. He dozed off to the sound of his two friends talking. 

\----------

2\. November--Alex

Alex practically floated up the stairs of the dorm building, still high off of the feeling of John's lips against his. His whole body felt like it was pulsing with electricity as he went to unlock the door. He could hardly contain his joy, tonight had been a great night.

It wasn't particularly late even though it was fairly dark outside, so Burr was still awake, sitting on his bed with his back to the wall, a book spread open in his lap.

"You're back late," Burr muttered not even looking up at Alex, who wasn't even listening.

"Burr, you wouldn't believe the night I've had," Alex sighed, "It was perfect. The whole world is perfect and beautiful."

"Okay," Burr murmured as he watched Alex flop on his bed from the corner of his eye.

Alex couldn't stop grinning. It stretched so wide across his face that his cheeks hurt. All he could think about was John. John's heart melting smile. John's adorable freckles. John's soft curly hair. John John John. 

"What about him?" asked Burr absently. Alex realized that he'd been saying John's name aloud.

Alex swallowed and blushed slightly, "We had the most amazing night," he explained.  
“Good for you,” Burr replied. 

"I have never felt this way before in my whole life," Alex confided, "I wasn't sure I could ever feel like this about someone."

"Congrats," Burr mumbled, still not particularly interested in anything Alex had to say about this matter.

"I mean, he's just so amazing. How can that much amazing fit into one person?" Alex continued, "And how did I get so lucky to have that amazing person choose me? Me, of all people."

Burr no longer even bothered trying to say anything in response to Alex extolling John's virtues. 

"His eyes," Alex went on, "How can I even begin to describe the color of John's eyes? Pale green and hazel, like the canopy of a forest and just as dazzling. The way they sparkle when he smiles," he gave another happy sigh, "His smile."

Alex let out a small laugh as he pictured John's smile, "It's so soft and warm... Is it possible to get butterflies just by seeing someone smile? It just makes you feel all warm and giddy on the inside-" he paused for a moment, "have you ever noticed that?"

"No."

"And his freckles," Alex bit his lower lip, "I want to count them all and give every single one a kiss. Paint the constellations with my fingers and lips, find out just how far they go. I bet he has them from head to toe and I need to find them all."

Burr turned a page of his book. Even though he wasn't paying attention he could still hear. He kind of wished that he couldn't. 

"Oh, then there's his hair."

"Oh god," Burr sighed.

"Well it's adorable the way it curls just so," Alex continued, "and the color reminds me of melted chocolate."

Burr buried his face in his hands. 

"It's even softer than you might think, perfect for running fingers through," Alex informed him, "And the shampoo he uses smells like honeysuckle and lavender."

"Are you finished yet?" Burr grumbled.   
"But what really gets to me," said Alex, completely ignoring his roommate, "is not just his looks, it's his," he struggled to find the right words, "it's his John Laurens-ness."

"John Laurens-ness?" Burr raised his brow, just when he thought it couldn't possibly get any worse.

"He's charming, but he doesn't realize just how charming he is which just increases his charm. He has such a sweet disposition but when you get him going he gets so passionate and fiery, especially about the things he really believes in."

"Enough!" Burr stood up and clapped his hand around Alex's mouth.

Alex glared up at Burr, his mouth still moving as he attempted to talk. 

"Hamilton," Burr said slowly, "I'm happy for you, really I am, but that is enough."

Alex let out a sound akin to a whine, Burr shook his head as he released his roommate.

"Are you done?" Burr asked.

"I guess," Alex muttered. 

In silence the two prepared for the night and slid into their respective beds. With the lights turned off and the curtains closed, the room was nearly pitch black and the quiet pressed in on them. 

"The thing about John is--" Alex started, his voice cutting through the silence. 

Burr just groaned and covered his head with his pillow.

\----------

9\. February--John

Usually, John loved parties. He reveled in the sheer number of people that could crowd together in one room if they were given the chance, nursing a few beers throughout the night as he watched the people around him become steadily more drunk. But tonight John was really not in the mood.

Alex had disappeared somewhere and John just did not want to be there. Nothing worse than going to a party you don't want to be at. Somebody stumbled into him and John nearly fell over. He was prepared to shout or perhaps push back when he saw that it was Lafayette. 

"How much have you had to drink, Laf?" John asked.   
The Frenchman's eyes were bright and even under his dark skin John could see that he was flushed. 

"Too much, but also not enough," Lafayette said with a grin. 

John chuckled. That was certainly true. He was drunk enough that he had lost some his usual grace, but not yet at the point where he started completely ignoring the English language.

"Why you over here all alone?" Lafayette pouted, "Come join the fun."

When John did not move Lafayette tried a different tactic, he batted his eyes, "Please?"

"Laf," John sighed. 

Instead of listening to him, Lafayette grabbed John's hand and dragged him into the fray to where a large group of people were dancing in close proximity. 

"Laf," John tried again, but it was no use. They were closer to the speakers now so all that could be heard was the music. John didn't recognize the song other than the fact that it was very popular and Lafayette occasionally played it in their dorm.

"I hate you," John grumbled. 

Lafayette cupped a hand behind his ear and shook his head, grinning teasingly.

"Dance with me!" Lafayette declared his shoulders moving in time with the beat.

John had no idea how Lafayette was able to make himself heard over the music. Whatever. He was here at this party whether he liked it or not so he might as well try to enjoy himself. 

"Better listen to the man," rumbled a voice behind him, "He isn't taking no for an answer. Hasn't been all night."

John glanced over his shoulder to find Hercules giving him a lopsided grin.

"Herc, long time no see," John smiled.

"So where is Alex?" Hercules asked looking around seeing no sight of Alex in the vicinity.

"Who knows," John sighed.

"Less talking, more dancing!" Lafayette insisted, reaching out and grasping John's shoulder to forcibly start his movement. 

Hercules laughed.

John swayed slightly but it did not appease Lafayette's apparent need to dance as he gripped his hand and spun him around.

"Laf!" John exclaimed.

He looked to Hercules for help, but the other man just held his hands up, still half laughing. 

"You're on your own."

"Oh no," John said, "If I have to dance then so do you."

Lafayette's face lit up, "Oui!"

Hercules glared at John. John stuck his tongue out. Okay so maybe this party wouldn't be so bad. 

John had just settled into a rhythm, genuinely laughing at Lafayette as he tried to ballroom dance with both him and Hercules at once despite the fact that it was nearly impossible and completely didn't fit the music, he caught sight of a familiar ponytail. Alex was casually leaning against a wall talking to a young woman. She was stunning, her lips painted red to match her dress. He could see through her body language that she was flirting with Alex. Heavily.

John had stopped dancing with the guys as we watched for moment, "I'll be right back," he muttered.

Hercules and Lafayette's protests got lost in the music as John began pushing his way through the crowd. After nearly having two beers spilled on him and his toes trampled at least four times, John finally made it through. He couldn't hear what Alex and the woman were saying even as he approached, it was just too loud. 

Alex made a large animated gesture when he finally caught sight of John.

"Oh hi!"

"Hi yourself," John replied looking more at the woman than at Alex.

The three of them stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"Alex?" The woman spoke up, "Aren't you going to introduce us?" she raised her brow quizzically.

"John Laurens," John cut in, pointedly leaning closer to Alex, trying to show their relationship with his body language. 

"This is Maria," said Alex. 

"Maria Lewis," she added, giving John an appraising look.

"Nice to meet you," John replied stiffly, he did not like her and he wasn't going to hide it.

After another moment, Maria turned her attention back to Alex, seemingly dismissing John as unimportant. 

"So, Alex," she said in a sultry tone, twining a lock of sleek hair around her finger, "Tell me more."

"Well..." Alex grinned, "Professor Washington said he's always been impressed with my work."

John couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. Washington had promised Alex a TA position for the next school year, despite the fact that those usually went to seniors and Alex would only be a junior. He reached for Alex's hand and squeezed it feeling proud, Alex was the best thing to ever happen to him.

Alex's face was alight as he talked about lessons he had already planned out. John chanced a glance at Maria and his smile froze at the look on her face. She looked like she wanted to eat Alex alive.

He squeezed Alex's hand a little tighter.

"Ow!" Alex pulled away pouting, "What was that for?"

"Sorry, baby girl," John muttered not taking his eyes off of Maria.

Alex huffed slightly before launching back into his explanations. John held in a petulant sigh and leaned a bit further into Alex's space, shooting Maria a smug smile when Alex's arm circled his waist.

John was certain if Alex were to stop for even just a moment he would see the sharp glances being shared between him Maria. 

"I can't wait till I start next semester, it's going to be great," Alex grinned.

"You'll be Washington's best TA," John said, kissing Alex's cheek. 

"I know," replied Alex smugly. 

John chuckled, but it was lost under Maria's sultry laugh. Alex beamed at her and John scowled.   
"Baby girl would you mind terribly if we went soon?" John murmured finally looking away from Maria.

"It's still early," Alex said, "You can go if you want."

"Alex," sighed John, knowing that he was starting to sound a bit petulant. 

Alex looked at him and John stuck out his lower lip. John nearly crowed in triumph when Alex's eyes flicked down to his mouth. The pouty lip always worked. 

"I suppose," Alex said slowly, "Why don't you grab us one more drink? Then we'll go."

John gave Alex a lingering chaste kiss, eyeing Maria all the while, then slipped out from his hold and went to get a couple beers.

He wove his way back through the party towards the kitchen where the was a large ice filled bucket. John withdrew two bottles and popped off the tops before heading back towards where he'd left Alex with Maria.

Maria obviously had not gotten the hint or didn't particularly care because she was quite a bit closer to Alex than she'd been before, the differences in height putting her chest directly in Alex's line of sight. John was fuming. 

"You know Alex maybe we should go now," John did his best to get between him and Maria.

"You're pushy tonight," commented Alex. 

"Just stressed," John said, "Spring break coming up soon."

Alex would understand that, of course. Break meant fun for most people, but for John is meant going back to South Carolina and seeing his father. 

Alex cupped John's chin and he sighed at the touch, "We'll go soon I promise." With his other hand he took one of the bottles from John, "Okay?"

John pressed in close again, attempting to act as a physical barrier between Alex and Maria.

"Okay," he agreed.

Alex sipped at his beer and continued to talk, John listened all the while shooting stony glances at Maria, the sooner they got out of there the better.

Although he could hold his drink pretty well, alcohol still made Alex looser than usual and John could feel when it started setting in. He didn't know how much Alex had drunk earlier, but it had obviously been enough for him to get tipsy off of the beer in his hand. The benefit was that Alex pulled John into more of an embrace as time went on.

He liked the way Alex's arm was wrapping around his waist, those small touches still made John's heart flutter. And yet through all of that, Maria did not take her eyes off of Alex. It was infuriating. 

Finally, Alex announced that they would be leaving and John let out a breath of relief.

"Back to your place?" Alex asked.

John hummed in consent. He was ready to take Alex out of there without any further thought, but instead Alex untangled them so he could step forward and give Maria a hug. Her hands wandered a bit too low on Alex’s back for John's liking.

John's shoulders tensed and he clenched his fists. 

"Alright let's go," Alex said as he came back to John’s side.

"It was nice to meet you, John," Maria said with a smirk. 

"Whatever," John ground out between clenched teeth.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see the look Alex was giving him. John turned on his heel, unwilling to look at Maria any longer, blindly grabbing Alex's hand. He half expected Alex to dig in his heels and not move, but that wasn't the case. Alex followed John through the throng of people and out onto the street. 

"That was rude," Alex said, his voice low. 

"Yes," conceded John.

"John what is up with you?" Alex furrowed his brow, "she's just a friend."

"A friend?" John scoffed.

"Am I not allowed to have friends now?" asked Alex, anger creeping into his voice. 

"No," John grumbled, "I mean yes, of course you can have friends."

"So what's your deal, John."

John considered for a moment telling Alex everything: his jealousy and insecurity despite the love he felt for Alex, the way the simple fact of Maria's presence and the way she acted filled him with self doubt. 

"Nothing," John said finally, looking down at the ground, "I'm just tired, that's all."

"John..." Alex sighed.

"Let's just go," John sighed, "please?"

"Hey."

John felt Alex's fingers against his chin, lifting it up slightly so he was looking into Alex's eyes instead of at his own shoes. 

"Hey," he whispered. 

Alex searched his face, his eyes flicking back and forth. John could practically see the gears turning. He looked away.

"I love you," Alex whispered, "you know that."

"I know," John replied. 

It made him feel better, but only slightly.

\----------

4\. December--Alex

During winter break, the Columbia campus was so much quieter than usual. No large groups of freshman chattering as they tried to find the right buildings or upperclassmen leaning against trees smoking cigarettes and the occasional joint. It was actually kind of nice, Alex mused, pulling his jacket tighter around himself. All of his friends had gone home for break, the same way they had the previous year, so Alex was finding himself alone much more than usual. Even the Washingtons had gone back to Virginia for the holiday, so he didn't have their weekly dinner to look forward to.

He trudged through the snow back to his dorm with books in hand so that he could get a jump start on his reading over break. Not that any of the second semester teachers had given specific readings, but Alex figured that if he started at chapter one he'd probably end up covering what he would need for the first week or so. He'd done much the same last year, and Christmas and New Years could come and go and Alex would hardly even notice.

Of course, last year he hadn't had anything to look forward to, nothing that would cause him to keep track of the days. This year he did. This year he had John. John was in South Carolina spending the holidays with his family, but had promised to call. That is what Alex was looking forward to, he missed the sound of John's voice and he missed having him around.  
They'd set a date and time for the phone call before John had left, speaking between heated kisses and maybe slightly distracted by groping hands. The memory of it made Alex grin as he unlocked the dorm room door.

He placed his books on his desk, only a couple more days until the call. But now a couple days felt like eternity, a lifetime. If John were there, he would tell Alex he was being dramatic. Of course, of John was there then Alex wouldn't have any reason to be dramatic. It was amazing to Alex just how quickly he and John had grown attached. The close friendship they shared had been one thing, but this connection was so much more.

His heart would flutter, he would blush just thinking about him. Alex found he didn't even care when Lafayette would tease him. Being with John was worth any teasing that Lafayette could inflict. Besides, he knew that it was just Laf's way of showing affection and approval.

Alex sank down into his desk chair and selected the first book from his stack. He tried to read but he keep getting distracted by thoughts of John, remembering the way his smile lit his face from within and the way he could go from cheery and childlike to sultry in only a moment, the way his breath shuddered beautifully right before he came. Alex shook his head. This was not the time. As much as he loved John, he needed to focus on his text right now. 

A few paragraphs in, Alex suddenly realized what his final thought had been and he stopped breathing for a brief moment. Holy shit. He was in love with John. 

Several days later, Alex was twisting the phone cord around his finger as it rang, he was sitting on his bed trying to be calm but nothing was working.

"Pick up, pick up..."

Alex shifted again as the phone rang, "Goddamnit come on John-"

"Hello?"

"John?" Alex burst out. 

"Henry Laurens speaking. Who is this?"

Alex swallowed, "Mr. Laurens, my name is Alex. I'm a friend of John's from Columbia."

It was painful for him to just say "friend," but he knew from what John had told him that using any other term would end badly. 

Henry let out a grunt of assent before barking out, "Jack, phone."

There was a tense moment of silence before the rustling of clothes could be heard.   
"Not too long," Henry commanded. 

"Yes, sir."

After another long moment where Alex twisted the phone cord tightly again there was finally a sound that indicated the phone changing hands. 

"Alex?"

"Yeah," Alex practically sprang to his feet when he heard John's voice.

John let out a long, relieved sigh, "It is so good to hear your voice."

"Yours too," Alex said softly, "I miss you."

"I miss you too," John replied.

"It's not the same without you," Alex sighed blushing slightly, he wanted to tell John about his revelation but now did not seem the moment. "Is everything okay?" he asked. John's voice seemed flatter than usual, without that sparkle that never failed to make Alex's heart stutter. 

The long silence was telling. 

"It's just my father," John finally replied, his voice strained, "Nothing I can't handle."

Alex felt as if John wasn't telling him everything, but he didn't want to push.

“Only a few more weeks and you'll be back,” Alex said with a smile, “and I promise to make it up to you, we’ll have a lot of catching up to do-”

"Alex," John interrupted sharply. 

Alex fell silent, confused. 

"I'm sorry," John said, "It's just," he sighed, "this isn't the only phone in the house."

He had a moment of understanding. There was the possibility of John's father or siblings listening in so they had to be careful. 

"It's boring without you," Alex said, then as a way to cover up anything untoward he continued, "I can't believe all three of you would just abandon me like this to the cold of New York winter. Whose coat am I supposed to steal now?"

John let out a small chuckle, "You have a perfectly good coat of your own." Some of the warmth was returning to his voice and it made Alex relax with relief.   
"It's just not the same," whined Alex, "Plus, your dorm is so much better than mine. I wish I could be there all the time."

Alex knew that John would get his implications. John's dorm meant nights twined together naked under the blankets and weekend mornings spent kissing until they could barely breathe.

"Me too..." John replied.

"Herc said he'd bring back cookies and fudge to share with all of us," Alex grinned, "although if we aren't careful our beloved Frenchman will eat it all."

"That would be literally impossible," laughed John, "I couldn't even get through two of them before falling into a sugar coma."

"And you've got the biggest sweet tooth I have ever encountered," added Alex with a laugh, "An entire box of Jujubees is no match for John Laurens."

"They're just so good," said John with a low groan that sent a shudder through Alex's body, "So sweet and sticky, the taste of fake fruit. I like to suck on them until they disappear."

Alex let out a small whimper. The tone of John's voice was doing things to him. 

"John," he complained, "Stop that."

"Craving some Jujubees now, I presume," said John mildly.

"You could say that."

John chuckled lowly. "You could go out and get some," he suggested. 

"You know I only have Jujubees when I'm with you," said Alex earnestly. 

John gave an amused and pleased huff, "I guess I'm a bad influence on you."

"Yes you are," There was a hint of a growl in Alex's voice, "a very bad influence."

"But you don't mind, do you Alex?" John practically purred.

"Of course not," Alex smirked.

"I know you too well," John chuckled.

"Jack."

The sound of Henry's voice, even muffled by distance and the phone line, made Alex's spine straighten unconsciously and filled him with nerves. 

"Yes, sir?" John asked, the warmth in his voice turning stiff again. 

"Time to hang up."

Henry's tone left no room for discussion. 

"I'll see you in a few weeks, Alex," John said in an overly friendly voice, "Stay warm. I hear you're getting more snow this weekend."

There was a brief silence and Alex heard Henry clear his throat pointedly. 

"Goodbye, Alex."

"Bye," Alex replied. He kept the phone against his ear for several long moments after John hung up. The next few weeks were going to be interminable.

\----------

5\. January--John

Alex had been right, they did have a lot of catching up to do, and he made sure they did it. John was so glad to be back at Columbia with Alex and his friends, it could make him forget how awful the holidays had been.

It had been thoughts of Alex that had helped him get through the days at home. Not that he didn't love seeing his siblings, but his father was a different story entirely. He and his father had never really gotten along. John shook his head as if it could send the bad thoughts away. Neither he nor Alex had classes on Friday this semester so they were planning to spend the day at the aquarium. It was nearing the time they had planned to meet, which meant that John had to actually get his butt out of bed. He wished that he had woken up with Alex beside him, but the law student had been at his usual Thursday night dinner with the Washingtons and had spent the night at their apartment.

After being in the oppressive atmosphere of South Carolina, it was nice to be able to walk through campus to the Metro station with Alex's hand in his. He wished it wasn't so cold out and they didn't need to wear gloves so that he could more comfortably tangle their fingers together.

Alex was talking about his dinner with the Washingtons and while John wanted to pay attention his mind was drifting to other things (also about Alex). Namely, how he felt after their conversation over break. He'd been so happy to hear Alex's voice he was giddy. But those feelings had been stamped down, his father would ask too many questions otherwise. He had been thinking a lot about the way Alex made him feel.

They were verging into three month territory now and he realized there was so much more than initial lust. Sure, lust still played a part in it. Alex put the same passion into sex that he put into his political endeavors and their nights together were amazing. There was just something about the way his breath caught when Alex smiled that indicated some deeper feeling. He was hesitant to even think the word.

Love had a funny way of showing itself in the Laurens household, even more so after his mother died... And after Jemmy-

John couldn't bear to think of it, that was what seemed to be stopping him.

The memory was still so raw and painful that John had yet tell any of his friends what happened when he'd gone back to South Carolina for the summer before this current school year. His father wouldn't let him forget it the entire time he was there for winter break. At least he hadn't had the gall to keep bringing it up with John's sisters and brother. Henry blamed John almost as much as John blamed himself. On particularly rough days John's memory would play the particularly cruel trick of letting it play out in his mind, he could still hear Jemmy's voice-

“Jacky watch this!”

John shivered and blinked a few times, and exhaled.

"John, are you alright?" Alex asked.

John took another breath, "Yeah, yeah I'm just fine."

"Are you sure?" Alex raised his brow.

John put on a reassuring smile. 

"I'm sure."

Alex placed his free hand on John's cheek, thumb stroking lightly, and John's smile slipped into something more genuine. 

"That's better," Alex said quietly, "No fake smiles, okay?"

"No fake smiles," John agreed, leaning down to press a kiss to Alex's lips. It didn't even matter that they were sitting on a crowded Metro train. There was so much freedom in New York, more freedom than John had ever felt in his life.

A warmth spread through him as Alex took hold of his hand as the continued their ride.

John became even more acutely aware of his feelings for Alex, and the more he thought about it the more his mind decide to remind him of that fateful day. That large oak tree behind their home that had been quite large even when John was little, it's wide branches that were twisted and gnarled, perfect for climbing.

“Jacky watch this!”

This time John wasn't just hearing his voice, he could see Jemmy with his messy hair and multitude of freckles that quite possibly even outnumbered John's. If he had just watched like Jemmy had asked, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. He knew that line of thought would get him nowhere, but it didn't stop him from thinking it.

John had been distracted, he hadn't been paying attention, the next thing he heard as Jemmy scream. He'd seen his brother on the ground, called his name and gotten no answer. 

“Jemmy, are you alright? Jemmy? James!”

The next moments had been a blur and all John could remember was Jemmy's face. Jemmy was gone, it was all his fault because he hadn't been watching, and if he had been Jemmy would still be here.

At the funeral, John had gotten overwhelmed during the viewing, had felt fenced in by all the people offering their condolences and the simpering sympathetic looks of their friends and neighbors. Panicking and hyperventilating he'd retreated to the bathroom, bent over the sink and splashed some cold water on his face, tried to get a hold of himself. He heard someone enter but didn't realize until the words came that it was his father. He didn't remember much of what Henry had said to him, but he did remember one thing. 

"This is your fault," Henry had snapped, "and yours alone. Nobody will ever love you. Not after they hear what you did to your brother."

"It's our stop."

John felt Alex gently touch his hand.

John gave him a small smile and followed him out if the subway onto the platform, he shouldn't let these thoughts ruin his day with Alex. He wouldn't let them.

"We need to see the turtles," John said, attempting to inject some excitement into his voice. It wasn't as difficult as he thought it might be. 

Alex laughed, "You and your turtles."

Even if Henry Laurens was right and Alex would never love him back once he learned about Jemmy, that wasn't going to stop John from loving Alex.

\----------

6\. January--Both

"Come on Alex," John leaned against the door, "you're the one who always likes to get to these things early."

"Just a moment," Alex was scrambling around his room.

"Alex..." John chuckled.

"Got it!" Alex grabbed his notebook and pen triumphantly, "Now we can go."

He walked over to John, it was then that Burr noticed Alex's keys on his desk, "Ha-" he was about to call out to him but then stopped and grinned. Looping the key ring on his finger and stuck them in his pocket, "This should be fun."

John didn't even think before taking Alex's hand, it was second nature to him now, and their arms swung slightly as they walked. It was an oddly warm day for January and without the hindrance of gloves they were able to properly entangle their fingers as they walked.

Alex liked the way that his fingers tangled with John's.

"You ready for a good argument?" John smirked.

"I always am," Alex grinned.

"Of course," John gently bumped up against him.

"Hey," laughed Alex, "I resemble the remark. Of course I'm not the only one, hmm?"

"Hell yeah," John drawled, "I'm itching to give someone a verbal beat down."

"It's great Professor Washington is our advisor," Alex smiled.

"Because he's the only one who would let you get away with some of the things you say," John smirked.

Alex flushed slightly. Even though he realized that Professor Washington really liked him and might show favoritism every so often, it still embarrassed him when someone brought it up. John saw Alex's distress, slight as it was, and tugged him closer so that their shoulders brushed as they walked. 

"Aw, sorry baby girl."

"It's okay," Alex tried to urge away his blushing as they entered the student union and headed for where the debate club met once a week.

The room was already filled with the low hum of voices when Alex and John stepped in. 

"Ah," Washington said, the sound of his voice causing a hush to come over the collected students, "Thanks for deciding to show up, you two."

"Sorry Professor Washington," Alex said. So much for controlling his blush.

Washington gave a curt nod, "Sit down and then we'll get started," he directed.

Alex and John found that Angelica had kindly saved two seats near her which they decided to occupy.

"Now, as you know," Washington began, "today we'll be having our first debate of the semester. I sincerely hope that you all prepared over break and found time to meet with your teams."

There was a general murmur of assent amongst the assembled students. 

"Good," said Washington with a small smile, "Now. Let's begin."

There were only ten of them in the debate club, which meant there was a nearly perfect number to run a team policy debate. Team policy debates only needed eight people, so the two remainders were tasked as the moderators and kept time. They usually drew numbers out of a hat to figure out who did what, although Alex always ended up switching with someone if he had to in order to take one of the constructive speeches. The allotted four minutes for the rebuttals just wasn't enough time for him to get his thoughts out, particularly if anybody wanted to understand what he was saying or if they wanted him to say everything in English instead of switching to rapid fire French or Spanish. John was the opposite. He had a knack for tearing down someone's argument with a calm demeanor and get it done in the minutes he had. This time, John had drawn a constructive speech. Alex didn't even care that they were on opposing sides for this debate, because he got to listen to John speak for eight minutes straight. Not only that, Alex had the first slot which meant that he didn't have to practice his own speech in his head and he could give John his full attention.

The subject of the debate was continuing research for the development of a vaccine for AIDS. Alex was lucky enough to be arguing the positive side, the side of the issue that he supported, so his speech had been very easy to put together. He even managed to only go over his allotted time by a minute this time. Then he settled in to watch John. 

He knew it was difficult for John to come up with arguments against the research. He also knew that it reminded John a bit too much of home and his father's opinions. Still he had to hand it to John, even though he disagreed with what he was saying he was still speaking with conviction and passion. It sent a tingle down Alex's spine as he listened to him speak.

He was more focused on how John spoke rather than what he was saying and the way his eyes sparkled was just mesmerizing. Alex nearly applauded when John had finished. He restrained himself, however, and settled for leaning against John when he sat down again. 

"That was amazing," he murmured, "God, I love you."

He prepared to watch the rest of the debate, not noticing the way John's eyes widened in shock. 

John was sure that he'd heard wrong. Did Alex really say he loved him? Was his mind playing tricks? Surely it was... Right? There was no way.

The same thoughts swirled around in John's mind, chasing and twisting over each other over and over. Could it really be true? His breath felt sharp in his chest, shallow and pointed. When the debate club meeting was over, John's brain was still working it through. He didn't notice the new assignment Washington gave him or the others moving around him and collecting their things. 

"John?"

John snapped from his thoughts and saw Alex looking at him, head cocked curiously. 

"Everything good?"

John's lips twitched in a flash of a smile. 

"What is it?" Alex asked. 

"Did you," John said hoarsely, then cleared his throat and tried again, "Did you mean it? What you said."

Alex thought back, trying to remember what he'd said that would cause this reaction and his mouth dropped open when he realized. He had told John he loved him, the thing he had been fretting about for so long had slipped out so easily. 

"Yes," he said after a long moment, "John Laurens, I love you."

John's breath hitched. He was silent for just long enough that Alex's face began to fall. 

"Alex," John whispered, surging to his feet to pull Alex into a burning kiss. It was lucky that nobody else was in the room because John wouldn't have cared if there was, wrapping his arms around Alex to hold him close. 

"I love you too," he murmured against Alex's lips when they parted for air, "God, Alex I..."

Tears began to roll down his cheeks. 

"I didn't think you would," John said with a slight hiccup in his voice, "I didn't dare hope that you'd love me back."

"I love you," Alex said again, kissing away John's tears, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

"What do you say we go back to my place," John breathed as Alex's kisses began trailing along his jaw, "and I show you just how much I love you."

Alex hummed and nipped lightly at the corner of John's jaw. 

"Yes please."

\----------

7\. January--Alex

Alex woke up with John's arms wrapped around him and the sunlight pouring in from between the curtains. He wanted nothing more in the world than to stay here within this moment for the rest of his life, but unfortunately he had class in a little under two hours and he needed to go collect his things from his dorm.

He shifted slightly and gently brushed John's curls, "John," he whispered.

John made a sleepy murmuring noise and pulled Alex closer, burying his nose in Alex's hair. 

John's jaw was in such a perfect position that Alex couldn't resist the urge to press his lips there, nibbling lightly. John hummed, his chin tilting up slightly to give Alex better access, which he took full advantage of, sucking a small bruise in the area below John's ear. When Alex pulled away, John whimpered. 

"Come back," John whined, although Alex hadn't really gone anywhere wrapped as he was in John's arms. 

"I have to go get ready for class," said Alex. 

John seemed to ignore him, placing a kiss on Alex's forehead. 

"I wish I could stay here," Alex agreed, "I love you."

Alex felt John's breath hitch.

"I love you too," John murmured before reluctantly loosening his hold on Alex.

Alex really didn't want to go but he'd never missed a class yet, that just wasn't something he could bring himself to do.

He had a spring in his step as he made his to his dorm and whistled the tune of some upbeat song he remembered from his childhood. Alex couldn't believe how lucky he was. He was dating a man he loved and that man loved him back. He was reaching into his pocket for his keys and immediately came to a halt, they weren't there. His pocket was empty.

"Oh no, no, no, no..." Alex's heart pounded in his chest.

He quickly and carefully checked every single pocket of his jeans and jacket. He even checked to see if they had gotten tangled in his hair (It happened once. Don't ask.) but to no avail. He didn't have his keys. 

"Fuck," Alex sighed leaning against the door, how was he supposed to get in now? And even after he got in how was he going to get into his room?

Alex looked up to see Burr at the door, he was just about to open it but froze upon seeing Alex standing there. Slowly a grin spread across Burr’s face.

"Let me in!" Alex begged his roommate.

"What seems to be the problem?" Burr asked smoothly, his voice muffled by the door.

“I forgot my keys,” Alex sighed, his face getting flushed. 

"I see," said Burr, "Now why would you go and do a thing like that?"

"I didn't mean to," insisted Alex, "I was distracted."

"Oh?" Burr smirked, "Now what could have distracted you so much that you could forget something as important as these?" He removed the keyring from the pocket of his hoodie.

Alex's blush returned in full force as he focused on the keys instead of Burr's expression. Of course Burr knew what had distracted him. He and John had been cuddled together on his bed and he'd completely forgotten to keep checking the time, which is why they'd been running late for debate club in the first place. Burr had been there the whole time, making subtle discontented noises at them. Not that Burr objected to their relationship, he just wasn't a fan of seeing PDA. The dorm room definitely didn't count as "public" in Alex's mind, but Burr hadn't been convinced.

"Give them back!" Alex exclaimed.

"I'm not sure if I should," Burr responded in a teasing tone. 

"Ha ha," said Alex, "Yes, very funny. You're so amusing."

"You know you might be able to earn your keys back," Burr mused as he examined the keys.

"Anything," replied Alex.

"Anything?" Burr raised his brow.

"C'mon, Burr," Alex half whined. 

"Fine," said Burr, "You know that thing you do where you don't even realize that I'm in the room?"

Alex nearly protested, but it was true. If he was completely focused on something, he often didn't notice his surroundings. 

"Yes," he mumbled. 

"Promise me you won't do that when you and John are making out," Burr requested, "Like you did the last three times he came over."

"Ah," Alex said with embarrassment, rubbing the back of his neck, "yeah sorry about that."

Burr just looked at him, one eyebrow still cocked. 

"Okay, okay, I promise."

After giving him a satisfied nod, Burr opened the door and dangled the keys in front of Alex's face. He grabbed them with a small thankful noise. 

"Burr," Alex said suddenly, causing the other man to give him a questioning look, "John told me he loves me."

Alex didn't know why, but the urge had suddenly come over him to tell somebody and Burr, despite their differences, was a friend. 

Burr looked surprised for a moment, "And do you love him?"

"So much."

Burr smiled slightly, "Good for you, Alex. Really."

\----------

3\. December--John

In was three in the morning, but John was awake. The strange stillness of pre-dawn, that time between "too late" and "too early," had it's own charming sort of quiet, broken now only by the whooshing sound of the air passing through Alex's nose as he breathed. Alex slept on his back, legs slightly bent and his arms splayed above his head. Lying on his stomach with his chin propped on one hand, John used to the other carefully brush away a few messy strands of Alex's hair away from where they stuck to his eyelashes. Alex gave a small snuffle, but didn't awake. Despite the December chill that pervaded the room, the covers were slung low on Alex's hips, giving John a view of the sparse line off hair that lead down from his navel. Due to their height difference this meant that the blanket was halfway down John's ass, but he didn't care. The air felt good on his bare skin.

He almost felt in awe, this was not exactly how the night was supposed to go. Neither of them had planned on this, not that he regretted it. Oh no, he had absolutely regrets, in fact he was buzzing with excitement.

In the dim light, John's gaze traced the contours of Alex's chest, remembering it pressed against his own and the harsh gasps of Alex's breath in his ear as he babbled John's name over and over like a prayer. It had been better than John could have ever imagined, less painful than he had been lead to believe and filled with shining wonder that his friends had always insisted was a construct of literature but nobody ever felt during their first time.

His heart pounded as Alex shifted in his sleep, he hoped to dear god he hadn't woken him. He wasn't ready for that just yet, for now he was perfectly content just watching and admiring in wonder. 

A cloud shifted on the wind and the room became bathed in moonlight. John had to work to keep his breaths even and quiet as Alex's skin glowed slightly in the pale light. Screw any reservations he'd had, screw his father and his strict southern upbringing because John was happy. 

He couldn't help himself, reaching with the hand not propping up his chin to brush his thumb over Alex's lips. Alex gave a grumbling sort of noise and his eyes fluttered open. He blinked blearily at John. 

"Wha' timezit?" he mumbled. 

"Too early to get up," responded John, leaning forward to press a kiss to Alex's lips. 

Alex made a small sound of contentment, returning the pressure. When they broke apart, Alex looked slightly more awake and he smirked, his eyes following the line of John's spine and resting on the curve of his ass. 

Alex licked his lips and John felt himself blush.   
"Wanna go again?"

Instead of answering, Alex captured his lips in another kiss.

\----------

8\. February--Alex

Alex had a plan. He was very excited about his fantastic plan. The time had finally come to implement it and as far as he knew, John had no idea. 

"What's going on, Alex?" John asked, tugging slightly at his tie. 

Alex just smiled serenely and enjoyed the view. At Alex's request, John was dressed in his best suit, a bespoke piece that was given to him as a high school graduation gift from his maternal grandfather. 

"Just you wait," Alex grinned as he led John across campus towards Angelica's dorm.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw John give him puppy dog eyes. 

"Pouting won't work, my love," Alex said, a small skip in his step. 

Next to John's perfectly put together outfit, Alex couldn't help but feel a little bit out of place with his mismatched attire, but it also thrilled him to know that he was hand in hand with the best dressed person on the campus. 

"Aw," whined John, squeezing Alex's fingers. 

"Patience," Alex sing-songed, stopping with a flourish in front of a dorm building. 

John glanced up at the building and raised an eyebrow at Alex, "Okay, I like Angelica as much as the next person, but Alex it's Valentine's Day."

Alex just gave him an enigmatic wink. He couldn't wait to see John's reaction.

"Hello and welcome to Chez Hercules," Angelica greeted them at the door, her hair was pulled back into a bun with a few wisps escaping and she wore a simple black dress.

John glanced between Alex and Angelica, a look of conclusion on his face that Alex found downright adorable. 

"What?" John said intelligently. 

Angelica simply smiled, more contained than her usually one as she played the part of a restaurant maître d’.  
"Come on." Alex took John’s hand.

Angelica waited for them to enter and then launched into an entire speech, "We have a number of specials on the menu tonight-" she began to walk and talk, her heels clicking lightly against the linoleum sticky tiles as she walked them to the elevator.

Alex didn't listen as Angelica reeled off her shpiel about the menu, choosing instead to focus on John, who still looked rather adorably confused. 

Angelica took them up to the third floor where her room was and down the hall to a door. Alex had a brief chance to see the setup of the room through the small window in the door before Angelica swung it open. John's eyes widened as he took in the sight of the transformed floor lounge. There was a table draped with a linen cloth and set with utensils that were obviously pilfered from the dining hall.

Lafayette stood by the table in a tuxedo, his hands folded behind his back and his nose in the air so that he could look down at them both through narrow eyes. 

"Messieurs," he intoned pompously, "If you would take a seat."

Lafayette was thickening his accent and sounded like the stereotypical French waiter. 

"Alex, what's going on?" John asked in a hushed tone. 

"I wanted to take you out to a fancy restaurant, but I can't," Alex explained, leading John to the table and pulling out the chair for him in an effort to cover the embarrassment about his lack of funds, "So I've brought the restaurant to you."

John sat down still in shock as Alex took the seat across from him, "Alex..."

"I even convinced Herc to cook for us," Alex added, "I just wanted to do something special for you."

John blinked and then smiled sweetly, reaching across the table. Alex automatically took his hand, heart thumping in his chest at the adoring look on John's face. 

"I love you," John said, drawing Alex's hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. 

Lafayette cleared his throat, obviously in character although his eyes sparkled. 

"The menu, Messieurs."

John laughed as he took the page from Lafayette, Alex watched him read it and laugh.

"What?"

"There is only one thing on here," John laughed.

"Blame the chef," Alex smiled.

"I will," John grinned, "I’ll have to have a conversation with him later."

"Much later," Alex emphasized, his smile turning sly, "My plans for you might take awhile."

"Oh?" John raised his brow, "I'm intrigued."

"One thing at a time, dear boy," Alex grinned.

He felt John's foot, slipped out of its shoe, press against his ankle. It was Alex's turn to raise an eyebrow. John just smiled innocently.

It was then that Lafayette returned with a purple hand towel draped over his arm and a bottle of what looked like very expensive wine.

He made a show of removing the foil from the top and was trying to do the same with the cork, but he was struggling quite a bit. After several moments of the struggle, Alex heard John stifle a giggle behind his hand and Lafayette scowled.

"Laf let me," John offered reaching out to take the wine bottle and corkscrew from him.

Lafayette handed over the wine and stalked away to the kitchen, where Hercules was lurking and putting the finishing touches on their meal, muttering in French about traitorous wine bottles.

John took hold of the corkscrew and removed the cork with ease and a small pop.

"My big, strong man," Alex cooed in a falsetto voice. 

John winked as he expertly poured the wine. 

"So where does a college student get wine like this?" John asked examine the bottle, "Especially one who is underage?"

"I have my ways," Alex grinned.

"Ah," John said knowingly, resting his elbows on the table and cradling his chin in his hands, "The fashion students."

"The fashion students," agreed Alex.

"It's good having friends in high places," John smiled.  
"Don't let Herc hear you say that or he'll think we only keep him around for the booze," Alex smirked.

"No way," John said, "He knows we keep him around for his cooking too."

Alex laughed and took a sip of the wine. He wasn't an expert, but it tasted pretty good to him.

"Messieurs," Lafayette returned having recovered from his embarrassment, "dinner is served."

He gave a flourishing bow in the direction of the kitchen just as Hercules emerged with a plate in each hand. 

"Hey guys," Hercules said, striding over to place the plates before them, "Enjoying your surprise, John?"

"Of course," John replied, although his eyes never left Alex. 

Alex preened under the attention and a small shudder ran through him when he felt John's toes slowly stroking his calf. 

"We'll leave you to it," grinned Hercules. 

He grabbed Lafayette's elbow as he made his way to the door. The snooty pretense dropped and Lafayette pouted. 

"But I want to watch the cuteness," the Frenchman protested even as Hercules dragged him out. 

This left John and Alex to have the lounge to themselves as they enjoyed the meal Herc had prepared for them. The silence that surrounded them while they ate was far from uncomfortable and the gentle way John stroked Alex's calf with his foot was pleasantly soothing. Every so often Alex would look up from his plate and find John's hazel eyes on him. They looked particularly green tonight.

"Thank you," John spoke quietly.

Alex smiled, "I did good?"

"Baby girl," John grinned, "you've done more than good."

That nickname never failed to make Alex blush and he did so now, a small smile on his lips.

"I love you," John said, reaching across the table to a tuck a strand of hair that had escaped Alex's ponytail behind his ear. 

Ever since they had started saying it to each other, John had been telling Alex he loved him several times each day. Alex would never tire of hearing those words. Never before had Alex been with someone who meant so much to him on Valentine's Day, that's why this needed to be special. 

"So," John murmured, "My man with the plan, what's next on the agenda?"

The way John's eyes flickered down to Alex's mouth showed exactly where his mind was going. 

"Now we go back to your place," Alex replied, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

A smirk unfurled on John's face. 

"Laf and Herc will take care of cleaning up," Alex told him as they began making their way to the door, "So we don't have to--"

Alex was silenced by John's lips as he was pressed against the wall. He whimpered, hands coming up to hook around the back of John's neck as the kiss deepened. John tasted of wine. He didn't want it to end but he did have other plans for the evening, slowly he broke away from John.

"It pains me to do this," Alex sighed, "but I'm not done yet."

John pressed in close, his leg slipping between Alex's. 

"Mm, just a little bit longer," he hummed. 

John kissed him again, grinding against Alex's thigh and rendering him powerless to resist.

"I guess it can't hurt," Alex whispered getting lost in the feeling.

John grinned in triumph and pulled Alex impossibly closer, peppering his face with kisses as they moved together. Alex panted, his head falling back against the wall and his eyes fluttering shut when John took that as an invitation to start sucking on his neck. 

"F-fuck, John," Alex stuttered. It was far too early in the evening for him to be losing control, but Alex found that he didn't really mind. 

John abruptly pulled away, leaving Alex feeling cold. 

 

"My place. Now."  
"We can't walk through campus like this," Alex hissed back, indicating the obvious bulges in both of their pants. 

John smiled slyly, "Well, unless you want me to take you over this table where anybody could look through the window and see..."

"You are an evil man, John Laurens," Alex complimented.

"I try," John smirked, "so have you made your choice?"

Alex actually had to think about it, which honestly worried him a little bit.

"Okay let's go," Alex swallowed, having to remind himself he had a plan, he had a plan... It was almost a mantra.

The walk to John's dorm seemed much longer than usual. The chill of the outside air was doing nothing to calm the heat Alex could feel simmering under his skin. John's arm around his waist certainly didn't help in that regard either. 

John unlocked the door and they calmly walked past the front desk, well as calmly as they could considering they couldn't stop laughing.

"Do you think she noticed?" Alex asked when they made it to the elevator, referring to the young woman who had been sitting at the desk. 

"It would be difficult not to," replied John, pressing the correct button and not even waiting for the door to close before he crowded Alex against the elevator wall to kiss him breathless yet again. 

"You are absolutely insatiable," Alex said when they parted. 

"Only when it comes to you, baby girl."

"I feel so special," Alex smiled, the elevator dinged as the finally reached John's floor.

"You are special," said John softly. 

Alex's heart was loud in his ears. How had he gotten so damn lucky? John took him by the hand and half pulled him to the dorm room. Once they were inside, Alex stepped forward to slightly block the way to John's bedroom. He was so glad that John and Laf had gotten one of the dorms with separate bedrooms. This would have been a lot more difficult to manage if they'd had a shared room the way Alex and Burr did. 

"If we don't get inside that room soon," John said warningly. 

Alex knew that John was fully prepared to pin him against the door or wall, but that wasn't how tonight was going to go.

"Not tonight dear Laurens," Alex fumbled with the door handle behind him as he said it.

Lafayette and Hercules had prepared the room while Alex and John had been eating. In addition to the chocolate gateau laid out and already in slices there was a bouquet of flowers already set in a vase. Roses were cliche, so after some research about the meanings behind various flowers Alex had gone with tulips--red for declarations of love and yellow for being hopelessly in love--mixed with some lilacs for first love. 

John let go of Alex and wandered over to the bed picking up the bouquet looking stunned. "Alex..."

"I saved up for that," Alex said, feeling equal parts proud and embarrassed. His scholarships only gave him money for his school needs, but the articles he wrote for the school newspaper made him 17¢ per word. Even with his verbosity, it had taken Alex some time to get together enough for the flowers. It was definitely worth it to see the look on John's face.

"I..." 

Alex couldn't be certain but it appeared there was the slightest hint of tears in John's eyes. He didn't have much time to mull this over as John flung his arms around him and pulled him in for a nearly suffocating kiss. Alex was slightly lightheaded. Whether that was from a lack of oxygen or the sheer emotion behind John's kiss, he couldn't tell.

He was jarred slightly by hitting the edge of John's desk, Alex gripped the edge to right himself. John was surrounding him in any way possible, his legs bracketing Alex's as he pressed their entire upper bodies together. His arms were wrapped so tightly and hands gripping so fiercely that Alex could feel his nails even through his blazer and shirt. John seemed to be making an effort to devour him and Alex was more than happy to let that happen.

He heard the sound of John's pencils being knocked over and falling off the desktop as he ran his hands over John's lapels. John hoisted him up and placed him on the desk, their lips becoming unattached in the process, both of them panting and out of breath. They stayed there for several moments, their heaving chests pressed together, gazes meeting and holding.

"You have made me so happy," John panted grinning brightly.

"In general, or is today an isolated occurrence?" Alex asked, only half joking.

"You're ruining the moment," John laughed.

"Oh, were we having a moment? I hadn't noti--"

Alex was cut off by John kissing him again, slowly and sweetly. 

"I take it back," Alex said when they parted, "We were definitely having a moment."

"Care to move this moment to a slightly more comfortable surface?" asked John, raising an eyebrow. 

Before Alex could even answer, John swept him into a bridal carry. Alex squeaked, his arms coming to hook around the back of John's neck.

Alex couldn't help but notice just how softly and gently John lay him down on the bed. He shifted so he was laying on the side, "You ready for the best part of this evening?" he teased.

"This entire evening is the best part of this evening," John said as he stripped off his jacket and tie. 

Alex began to smile as he followed suit by discarding his tie as well. John gestured slightly and Alex sat up and scooted until he was sitting on the edge of the bed, John standing before him. Alex threw his blazer and tie to the side, raising his chin slightly with a smirk, allowing his eyes to close when John began unbuttoning his shirt agonizingly slowly. With every button he opened, John brushed his fingers against the patch of Alex's skin that he exposed. Alex settled more into the darkness behind his eyelids, reveling in the sensation of John's gentle touches.

Each touch sent little sparks flying through his body till he buzzed with energy. With the last button undone John dragged his hands back up his chest and began to push the shirt off of him.

Alex felt the shirt fall off his shoulders and pool at his waist, the sleeves bunching up around his wrists and forearms. 

"Aren't you going to look, baby girl?" John murmured. 

Alex opened his eyes, blinking a couple times to get used to the light again. John looked him directly in the eye as he began unbuttoning his own shirt at the same maddeningly slow pace until it hung open, revealing freckled skin. Alex released his arms from his shirt and reached forward to grasp John's hips and pull him closer. He nuzzled his face against the warmth of John's stomach, pressing kisses against every freckle he could find. The muscles beneath his lips trembled.

He loved John's freckles, if he could he would take the time he would count each and every one of them with a kiss. Alex rested his cheek against John's skin, letting his eyes close again when a hand came to rest on his head and began stroking his hair, softly at first, then a little harder but instead of causing pain he pressed more into John's touch.

A small whimper escaped when John tangled fingers in his hair and tugged shortly and firmly, causing Alex's chin to tip back and his eyes to open. John was looking down at him, eyes glittering. 

"Why don't we kick things up a notch, hm?"

John released him and Alex flopped onto the bed on his back. 

"This is my gift to you," Alex said, finally tossing away his shirt and tucking his hands behind his head, "I am completely at your mercy."

"Completely?" queried John, his voice low and sultry. 

"Completely," Alex confirmed shifting his hips slightly and enjoying the way John's gaze darted to the movement.

"Well," John seemed to be mulling it over, contemplating exactly what he was going to do to Alex first. 

Alex untucked one of his hands and brought it down to rest on his stomach, just above the waistband of his pants, and let out a hum. John's eyes flickered there again and held.

"Come on-" Alex whined.

"What happened to being at my mercy?" John raised his brow as he reached out towards Alex's hand.

"I'm all yours."

John leaned over him, one hand resting on the hand Alex had resting against his own skin and the other hand landing on the bed, holding himself suspended. John pressed a kiss to Alex's jaw. 

"I want you to fuck me," he whispered, his breath hot against Alex's ear, before straightening up again, all contact removed. 

Well that was...unexpected. It wasn't something that they really did. Sure, their first time had been that way, but that was because Alex had some experience and John had had none. Generally Alex liked to be on the receiving end, giving over control and power. And okay there was probably some element of selfishness and narcissism, because he liked the feeling of having someone else's focus being singularly on him. 

"Um," Alex managed.

"You said we could do anything I wanted," John replied.

Alex couldn't say no to that, not that he wanted to, and he breathed in deeply, "Okay."

"Don't sound so resigned," John teased, "Is it really such a chore?"

"Of course not," Alex said.

"Good," John pulled off his own shirt and sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at Alex.

"What?" Alex asked with a smile. 

"You're gorgeous," John responded, moving so that he was lying on his side next to Alex. 

Alex shifted into his side as well, throwing a leg over John's hip and kissing him. What began sweet soon turned filthy, John pulling and twisting so that Alex was on top of him. He ground upwards, hands roaming to Alex's ass to keep him down.

Alex's eyes closed briefly as he enjoyed the way his and John's hips meshed together.

"Seems to me that were still wearing too many clothes," Alex said, "and it would be a shame to ruin those hand-made pants of yours.

"I suppose you should rectify that situation, then."

"Oh I will," Alex trailed his hands down John's chest until they were resting at his belt buckle. He toyed with the belt, all while John gave him a dirty look.

"Enough teasing," John practically growled.

"I gave you the chance to be in charge," Alex scolded playfully, "and you relinquished your control. Now you must suffer the consequences."

John groaned, "Alex..."

Alex smirked as he slowly undid John's belt, taking his time.

"I hate you," mumbled John. 

"Liar," Alex laughed, pushing the belt buckle to the side so that he could get to the button and zipper.

"I'll keep hating you until you do something," John glared at him.

"I guess I'll have to fix that," Alex said decisively. 

He gave a small tap to John's side to prompt him to lift his hips. Alex could now freely tug John's pants down and off and place them aside, doing the same for his own before crawling back on top of John, trailing kisses up his body as he went.

John sighed as he did so, Alex stopped as he reached his belly and offered up a playful grin. He lingered for a moment, thumbs stroking just above the waistband of John's boxers, before continuing his journey upwards, adding gently nipping bites to his kisses. 

John groaned and arched into Alex's kisses as he made his way up John’s body. Alex kissed him firmly on the mouth and John opened to him immediately, hands coming to tangle in Alex’s hair as the kiss deepened. John let his eyes flutter shut, reveling in the slide of Alex’ tongue against his and the press of their hips together. When Alex broke the kiss, John was left breathless, getting lost in the fathomless depth of Alex’s dark eyes.

“As much as I adore you kisses,” John murmured, “and I do adore them, I believe that you have a promise to keep.”

“You can’t rush perfection,” Alex replied with a grin.

“Perfection, huh?” John raised an eyebrow, “Seems to me that there’s a bit too much talk and not enough action going on.”

“I’ll show you action,” growled Alex, sliding down John’s body, pulling out his cock, and swallowing it down in one quick movement.

“Fuck!” John hissed, unable to stop his hips from hitching upwards.

“Behave,” Alex scolded, then returned to his task, using his hands to hold John’s hips down.

Alex knew all the best ways to drive John mad, alternating suction with long licks and just a hint of teeth in a relentless attack. John felt the pressure building, his hips straining against Alex’s arm, breath coming in short pants.

“Alex,” John warned breathlessly, his fingers twisting in the sheets, “Alex, please, I’m gonna-”

Alex pulled off completely with a small slurping noise and John whimpered at the loss, looking down at Alex with lust-clouded eyes. Alex licked his lips slowly.

“Alex,” whined John.

“Not yet, mi amor,” Alex cooed, wrapping his hand around John’s shaft, stroking him slowly and far too loosely to be of any relief. Then he drew away completely.

“You are evil,” John complained.

“You get what you ask for,” chuckled Alex. 

John threw an arm over his eyes and huffed out a laugh. The wet warmth of Alex’s mouth engulfed John once again, accompanied by the gentle pressure of one slick finger against his entrance. Alex teased his finger against the rim of John’s hole before pressing slowly inside one knuckle at a time, allowing John to acclimate every time. He moved slowly, pulling out and pressing in at a snail’s pace. Alex pulled off of John’s cock to watch the pleasured twisting of his features as one finger became two, scissoring and twisting at he opened John up. 

“Please,” John whimpered when Alex had just barely wriggled in a third finger, “Fuck me fuck me please.”

His cock was flushed red and curved up against his abs and Alex could see a shining smear of pre-come. Alex’s own cock was achingly hard, tenting his boxers obscenely; he definitely would not be arguing with John’s plea. Alex had to remove his fingers to pull off both of their underwear and John whimpered, thrusting weakly into the air. Alex paused only long enough to roll on a condom and slick himself up before guiding the tip of his cock to rest against John’s stretched hole. Slowly he pressed in, not holding back the groan that escaped him when he was fully seated, John’s legs coming to wrap around his hips and trying to pull him even closer. Alex lowered himself over John, his hands on either side of John’s head.

“Open your eyes,” Alex commanded softly.

John complied, although it seemed like a difficult task, his eyes unfocused and pupils blown wide. Alex suddenly wished that they did this more often because he wanted to see that look in John’s eyes all the time. He leaned down, pressing his forehead against John’s as he drew out slightly and pressed back in. The angle was slightly strange and he couldn’t really get much leverage to thrust, simply rocking gently and enjoying the sharp gasp John let out when Alex finally hit his prostate. It was slow and sweet, the gentleness of Alex’s movements at odds with the harshness of both their breaths. John was saying his name over and over like it was the only word he knew, his lips brushing against Alex’s every so often. 

Alex never wanted this moment to end.

\----------

1\. November--John

Lafayette lounged on his bed, lazily following with his eyes as John paced from one side of the small room to the other. This had been going for the past fifteen minutes or so and there didn't seem to be any sign of stopping.

"John..." Laf sighed, "you're gonna wear a hole in the linoleum."

"This is a very serious matter, Lafayette," John said, clutching his hair at the roots, still pacing.

Lafayette let out a small chuckle, "I don't see why it should be."

"I don't know how you can be so flippant about this," John groaned. 

"John," Lafayette said soothingly, "Sit down."

John complied without thinking, dropping down onto the floor with his legs extended in front of him. 

"Help," John stuck out his lower lip in a pout.

Lafayette heaved another sigh and rose gracefully from the bed to sit cross legged between John's knees. He reached out and cupped John's face between his hands. 

"You have nothing to worry about," Lafayette said gently.

John groaned, "But what if I mess everything up between us?"

"Mon ami," Lafayette replied fondly, "Our dear Alexander is, how you say, so far gone on you. He will say yes."

John sighed, "I don't know..."

"Why are you so stressed about this?" Lafayette queried. 

"Things between us are so great right now," said John, averting his gaze from Lafayette's, "I don't want to ruin our friendship. Friendship would be enough."

"But is it?" Lafayette raised his brow.

John seemed about to reply in the affirmative, but let out a miserable whimper instead. 

"John," Lafayette continued softly, "You are usually so brave in all things, sometimes even more recklessly brave than mon petit lion. What is holding you back from this?"

"It sounds ridiculous."

"I'm sure that it is not ridiculous."

"It's my dad," whispered John, "I know he's not here and he can't stop me from doing what I want or being true to who I am, but some part of me still believes that I need to listen to what he wants."

"Definitely not ridiculous," said Lafayette forcefully. He had only met Henry Laurens once, back in the previous year when they were first moving into the dorms. Henry had taken one look at Lafayette's eyeliner and women's blouse and simply sneered. That one look and the dismissal that followed was enough to make even Lafayette, who was supremely confident in himself in a way that John simply wasn't, want to apologize and follow orders. He hadn't, of course, and Lafayette had been extremely pleased that John didn't reflect his father's personality at all. 

John let his head fall to rest his forehead on Lafayette's shoulder. He wanted to hide behind his hair and wished it was longer again. Next summer, he would not let his father drag him to get it cut short. He hated his hair short.

Lafayette lay a gentle hand on John's back swearing quietly in French and cursing Henry Laurens name. John understood enough of what was said to let out a small snort of laughter and Lafayette smiled slightly, resting his cheek against his friend's curls. 

"You can do this," Lafayette said, "and Alex will say yes."

"Okay."

"Nope, that's not good enough. Say it with me. I can do this."

John was silent so Lafayette pinched him lightly. 

"Ow," John complained. 

"Say it," commanded Lafayette, "I can do this. Alex will say yes."

"I can do this," John repeated obediently, though not with particularly great conviction, "Alex will say yes."

Lafayette stood up and pulled John to his feet. 

"Say it again."

"I can do this," John said with slightly more resolve, "Alex will say yes."

"Good," Lafayette said, pulling John into a quick tight hug and pressing a kiss to each cheek, "Now go get your man."

John let out a long breath and nodded sharply. 

"I can do this," he said without prompting, "Alex will say yes."

\----------

10\. March--Alex

Heaven. Alex was in heaven. There was no other explanation for the way he was feeling at this very moment. Plush lips pressed their way down his chest, leaving honey-sweet kisses in their wake interspersed with sharp nips of teeth and suction that was sure to leave bruises. Yet Alex couldn’t bring himself to mind, drunk on both alcohol and the feeling of skin on skin, the only word running through his mind was yes. 

Where normally in this state he would have felt heavy and cumbersome, but now he was so light it was like he was flying as electricity pulsed through his body. Every sense was heightened, his nerve endings burning with a pleasant fire. Nothing felt real, the touches on his skin sparkled.

Every other sound except for their breaths, sighs and moans seemed to be muted, miles away from this moment. The swell of sound, movements faster, breathing bursting out of him as he arched up and...

There was the sound of a key in the door and Alex vaguely wondered who it was--not Burr he's still away, Spring Break, who has the key. And there was a voice speaking and something in him recognized it. 

“Hey, Alex, I managed to come back early so--”

John, Alex thought, it's John who has the key, but there are lips on his and hands stroking and he was floating on a hazy cloud. Alex dimly registered the intake of breath, the release of a sob. He barely even noticed the slamming of the door.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: We are sorry. We are so so sorry. 
> 
> First of all, we apologize about John. Honestly, we really do love John, but sometimes we can’t help but make him suffer. 
> 
> Secondly, we apologize about painting Maria as the bad guy. We know that she isn’t the sole reason behind Alex’s infidelity--in this fic or in historical canon--because, as they say, it takes two to tango. That being said, this fic is from Alex and John’s points of view. When we see Maria through John’s eyes the image is distorted by his jealousy and low self-confidence (again, we love John, we swear that we do, but he is a young man who has been hurt by his upbringing and his father, that kind of thing leaves its mark on a person). We purposefully did not write the events leading up to Alex’s night with Maria because we honestly don’t know what they are. We wanted to give that section a kind of half-drunk sort of feel, but Alex may or may not have actually been drunk or high or whatever else. We leave that up to you, the readers, to decide. Suffice it to say that this was not a crowning achievement in Alex’s life. He really did love John, he wasn’t lying about that, but it’s possible that the relationship was just becoming too much too quickly and he panicked. We also love Alex, but it’s well known from history that he doesn’t always make the wisest decisions, something that he is not free from in this AU.
> 
> We promise that we’ll return to the tooth-rotting family fluff next week. This was just a story that needed to be told.


End file.
